불편한 배려

용서와 화합은 우리네 미덕이라고들 말한다. 타인을 사랑하고 감싸주어 둥글게 살아가는 것이야 말로 나를 포함한 우리가 조화롭게 행복하게 살아가는 방법이라고들 한다. 과연, 그런 허물까지도 서로 감싸 안아주면서, 서로의 불편함은 그저 묻어두고, 다른 사람들을 위해서까지 화합하는 것이 진정, 나와 상대방, 그리고 다른 사람들까지도 행복할 수 있는 가장 좋은 방법일까

나는 적이 많은 편도 적은 편도 아니다. 적이라고 하기에는 과장된 면이 있겠지만, 사이가 좋지 않은 사람을 적이라고 표현할 수 있다면, 나는 적당 수의 적이 있다. 누구나 그렇듯이

초등학교 때는 (당시 국민학교) 같이 놀던 무리에서 돌아가면서 ‘절교선언’을 하는 것이 유행이었다. 유행이라고 할 수 있을지는 모르겠지만, 우리 그룹에서 모두가 한 번씩은 다른 멤버들로부터 절교선언을 듣는 것은 그다지 큰 일이 아니었다. 특정 시기가 되면, ‘절교’라는 한 단어, 혹은 ‘우리 절교야’, 가끔은 아무런 말도 적혀 있지 않은 종이를 절교 대상인 아이에게 전해주었다. 직접 주기도 하고, 던지기도 하고, 몰래 놓기도 하고, 참으로 유치한 방식으로 따돌렸다. 기한은 길어야 2주, 그리고 나면 사과하거나, 언제 그랬냐는 듯 다시 어울리고, 그 다음 타자가 절교 선언을 맞게 된다. 어쩌면 그래서 누군가와 멀어진다거나, 절교하는 것이 아무렇지 않게 받아들여졌는지도 모른다. 하는 입장에서나, 당하는 입장에서나. 그저 12살 어린이들의 한 가지 놀이 방식이었다.

처음으로 큰 소리를 내며 싸운 것은 중학교 때 인듯하다. 이유는 기억나지 않는다. 친하게 지내던 친구들 무리 중 한 명이었는데, 교실에서 큰 소리 나게 싸웠고, 친구들은 말리고, 그냥 평범한 사춘기 여중생들의 말싸움이었다. 하지만, 생각보다 크게 번졌고, 그 친구, 우리 집까지 전화해서 나랑 담판을 짓고 싶어했다. 우리에게 무엇이 그렇게 심각했던 걸까. 동시에, 큰 배신감을 느꼈던 시기였다. 내 옆에서 걱정 말라고, 넌 아무 잘못 없다고, 옆에 있어 줄 거니까 동요하지 말라고 말해주던 친구들이 그 다음날엔 너무 차가웠다. 성격상 다가가서 갑자기 왜 그러냐고 물어보지도 못해서 나도 자연스럽게 멀리하게 됐다. 같이 밥을 먹어도 아무 말도 하지 않았고, 결국엔 따로 먹게 되고, 이유 없는 불편함의 기간이었다. 그 이상한 분위기를 참지 못해서 나는 결국 모두에게 이야기했다. ‘내가 미안하다고, 내가 다 잘못했다고’.
- 나에게 큰 소리를 내었던 아이는 뭐라고 했는지 기억이 나지 않는다. 아마 그냥 그런 보통 화해였던 것 같다.
- 걱정하지 말라고 안심시키던 한 아이는 ‘다 괜찮다’고, 그냥 다시 전처럼 지내자고, 왜 이렇게 됐는지 모르겠다고 말해 주었다.
- 안심시켜주던 다른 한 아이는 말했다. ‘네가 잘 못 한 거 알긴 알아?, 그렇지? 네가 잘 못 한 거잖아.’ 아직도 기억이 생생하다. 전화기 너머로 들려오는 그 아이의 목소리는 어느 때보다도 냉정했고, 나는 그저 잠시 멈칫했다. 하지만, 내가 무슨 말을 더 할 수 있으랴. 그저 미안하다는 말만 반복했다. 내 머리 한 편 에서는 ‘내가 너한테 잘못한 건 없잖아. 너에게 그런 말 들을 이유는 없잖아’라고 수 없이 소리쳤지만, 그저 미안하다고만 반복했다.

결국, 다시 전처럼 지낼 수는 있었다.
단 한가지, 바뀐 것이 있다면, 나는 불편했고, 다시는 먼저 사과하지 않으리라 다짐했던 것뿐.

고등학교에 들어와서 아마 두 번째로 크게 싸웠다. 싸움이라고 해봐야 여자애들의 날카로운 소리지름이다.
친했지만, 서로 견제하던 친구였다. 그 아이와는 정말 많이도 질투하고, 멀어지고, 다시 친했다가도 서로 까고, 그런 사이였다. 어쩌면, 서로를 견제하는 재미로 지냈던 것 같다. 싸움에도 핵심은 없었다. ‘난 그냥 너 재수없어’이게 이유고, 핵심이었다. 그러다 편지 한 통으로 다시 화해하고, 머지않아 ‘너 진짜 재수없어’하는 식이었다. 교실에서 한가로이 쉬는 시간을 즐기던 나에게 그 아이가 다가왔고, 다짜고짜 재수없다며 소리지르기 시작했다. 나오라며.
누군가 나에게 소리치면, 눈물이 먼저 반응하던 나인데, 이를 악물고 여유롭게 대항했다. 당시에 반장이었던 나는, 누구에게도 약한 모습을 보이면 안 된다고, 눈물 보이지 말자고 1년 내내 다짐했던 시기였던 탓도 있다. ‘싫은데? 여기서 말해? 난 할 말 없거든?’ 일방적으로 나를 불러내던 아이에게, 나는 태어나서 처음으로 여유롭게 대했다. 썩은 미소랑 같이. 내가 재수없다는 말에 ‘너도 ㅈㄴ재수없거든? 알긴 아냐?’하면서 지지 않았고, 별 영양가 없이 그런 싸움은 끝났다. 서로를 그렇게 재수없어하면서 지냈고, 고등학교를 졸업하고 난 뒤, 어느 날인가, 우리가 그 대 왜 그랬는지 이유도 기억하지 못하고, 인사 한 두 마디 나누는 정도는 되었다. 시간 되면 꼭 보자고 한 채로 2년이 넘게 지나긴 했지만 말이다.
나에게는 별 의미 남기지 않은 싸움이었다.

마지막은 나에게 가장 큰 상처를 주기도 했고, 아직까지도 나를 괴롭히는 악몽 같은 2007년이다. 내 기억에서 지워버린 해. 큰 덩어리의 기억은 있지만, 무엇을 하면서 지냈는지, 내가 어땠는지는 기억나지 않는다. 그저 정말 힘든 시기였고, 아직도 극복하지 못한 것 같은 느낌
한 방에 모든 걸 잃어버린 시기였다. 기억하고 싶지도 않다. 그저 너무 급작스럽게 일어난 일이었고, 경황도 없었고, 제대로 대처도 할 수 없었지만, 예상할 수 있는 일이었고, 화산처럼 쌓이고 쌓이다 ‘펑’하고 폭발해 버린 것이었다. 내가 믿어도 될 수 있는지 알고자 했던 이들의 말을 들으면서, 그것을 믿어야 했음에도 불구하고, 진심으로 와 닿지 않아서 믿을 수 없었고, 그렇게 하나 둘씩 주위 사람들을 밀쳐 내버린 시기였다. 아마 지금 다시 그 시기로 돌아간다 해도 또 다시 밀쳐낼 것이다. 내 가슴에 비수가 되어서 꽂힌 한 마디는 나를 완전히 산산조각 냈다.
이유는 기억나지 않는다. 그저 쫌생이 같은 철부지 22살들의 신경전이었다.

너무 다른 방향으로 새어버렸지만, 그래서 내가 하고 싶은 말은 나처럼 누군가와 싸워서 적이 되든, 그저 무관심한 사람이 되든 간에 어찌 되었든 이유를 불문하고, 화해하고 화합하는 것이 의미 있을까 하는 것이다.
12월 13일 SBS에서 방송한 야행성 프로그램을 보면 ,문희준과 토니안을 사회자들이 서로 안게하며, 무슨일이 있었든간에 어색한 사이를 풀어주고자 하는 모습이 보였다. 서로를 안아주는 모습에서, 그 둘의 표정에서 말할 수 없는 불편함과 어색함을 본 것은 단지 나 뿐일까.
둘을 그냥 놔두면 안 되는 걸까?

2007년도에 나를 더 나락으로 빠뜨린 것은 아마 나와 당사자를 화해시키려던 선배들의 노력이 아니었던가 싶다. 물론 다들 좋은 의미로 그런 것은 안다. 고맙기도 하고. 하지만, 그 자리에서 난 더 상처받았고, 더 이상 못해먹겠단 생각이 들었다.

차라리 어릴 적 그랬듯 물 흐르듯 넘어가면, 다시 합쳐지든, 완전히 갈라지든 큰 상처 없이 자연스럽게 흘러갈 수 있었을 텐데, 왜 억지로 붙여 놓으려고 했던 걸까. 결국엔 더 좋지 않은 방향으로 흘러갔으니 하는 말이다.
지금은 다들 무심코 ‘네 친구들은 뭐하냐’하는 말에 웃어넘길 수 있을 정도로 나는 의연해졌다.

왜 처음부터 다들 그렇게 하지 않았을까.
왜 그냥 두고, 잠잠해지게 기다리지 않았을까.
왜 서로 싫다고 밀쳐낸 이들을 억지로 붙여보려고 했을까

진정으로 그 둘을 위한 것인지, 아니면, 그저 그 상황을 지켜보기 힘든 제3자, 자신의 만족을 위한 것이었는지, 아무래도 이해가 되지 않는다.

제3자 입장에서 그 상황이 불편하면, 둘 중 하나를 포기하면 된다. 얘와 함께 하던지, 쟤와 함께 하던지. 둘 다 놓치고 싶지 않다면, 각각의 둘을 다 곁에 두면 된다. 같이 있는 둘을 두는 것이 아니라.
‘사이 좋았던 너희들이 서로 미워하는 모습이 안타까워서 그래’라는 어줍잖은 배려는 당사자의 입장에서, 적어도 나에게는, 불편하고 거절하고 싶은 배려이다.

둘로 갈라진 장식물을 억지로 붙여 놓으면, 원상태로 보일지는 몰라도 그 균열은 없어지지 않는다. 결국 다시 갈라진다. 하지만, 그 각각을 다듬어 장식해 놓으면, 새로운 2개의 장식물이 되지 않을까? 조화로운..
가끔은 사람들을 서로 미워하는 상태로 두는 것도, 불편한 상태로 두는 것도, 당사자를 진심으로 고려한다면, 좋은 방법일 텐데..

억지로 붙이려 하지 않은 것들은 각자의 위치에서 서로 다듬어져서, 시간이 지나고 나면, 새로운 형태로 조화롭게 된다고 생각한다.

서로 불편함을 가진 채로 다시 하나가 된 조화보다는, 서로 가지고 있는 불편함을 내 보이고, 인정해 주면서, 서로 다른 위치에서 다른 것들과 이루는 새로운 조화가 더 자연스러워 보이지는 않을까


- 그냥 최근에, 이런저런 기억들이 물밀듯이 밀려오면서, 짜증이 나고 있던 차에
TV쇼를 보다가 답답해져서 써본다.
아직 회복되지 않아서 그런가 보다.

Recent Status

1. Final Exams - Next week
2. Financially broke!
3. Forgot what to write

So, I ean

I am still alive.
I will update something as soon as I finish my finals

1 Year Anniversary - who already knew we're going to miss each other so bad?

Most of us' first impression about the town was

'WTH, this is too small. Is it the real place the I'm going to spend a whole semester/year seriously?'

Exactly 1 year before, today, we had the very first Erasmus' breakfast in Mensa.

It was the day we all met in the same place.

I remember I was sitting with my flatmate Dessy, but can not remember exactly who were around me. I guess Bulgarian girls; Silvi, Miha and Nadya, but not sure.

Just remember, Stephan was not so far from us, but I can remember because his first impression was so scary. (do not know why, I just felt so.)

A lot of Spanish girls, Bulgarian people and Korean were only 2 of me and Jay.

Never expected, what was going to happen to us

Our life in Worms can be subscribed as;

1. Tab

2. Botellon a.k.a. Pre-drinking

3. Party

4. Facebook Connection

5. Mr. Rutter

6. Spanish Effect

7. .....

whatever it is, 'party and drink'.

We also studied, of course!

One of the best class would be, a culture class for Erasmus students with Mr. Rutter.

As a final course work, we made a presentation comparing a retail store in Germany and our own countries. It was great to see differences not only about the topic, but each other's own style.

I made it on my own, but I do not blame on Jay :P

Anyway, we went to all the parties, never missed because it was our fate!

We just had to go. Never asked each other where to go on every Thursday.

and some Tuesdays at the beginning of the semester.

One of the most unforgettable moment was Christmas Party by Asta. =)

We all gathered in Mensa with some traditional desert we made on our own.

Also we had a carol-singing competition, and we, Korean team, won the first prize! :P

We finished our unexpected happy semester with more parties.

We had our own held goodbye party, but also semester end parties in the Studentenwohnheim and also Tab.

In the second semester, only half of us left in Worms.

But we could not recognise how few we were until the semester actually began.

Most of use went home for the short winter holidays, but some of us were still in old and good Worms, Germany.

That time, we had Carnival.

Not going to mention what happened to us.

Just 'so drunk, that nobody can imagine.' that explains the day. ;)

Oh, in Mainz, we were Beer girl, Marie Antoinette, Paris Hilton with Security, #1 Fan, 2 Paparazzis.

With only half of us, in second semester, we got much closer.

We were, of course, a group, but we became even more closed group together.

We had small trips together, chilling at the River Rhein, a lot of BBQ dinner,......

Oh, we became know more people from the FH. A lot of Latins and Germans. = more fun we had

There was a fest in Worms, so we went for it.

We also starred in a film as child workers :P

We also had International Day introducing our own cultures

Our life in Worms in Spring and Summer was quite relaxed, but with a lot of parties as well.

It is so same to mention everything, so just with some pictures.

You can see how we loved finally our life there.

Also WM can not be missed.

As WM finished, the number of us became less and less.

Finally, we were even less than 10 people.

Our 1 full semester/year was full of surprises.

Some of us complained at the beginning a lot, some had serious nostalgia, or not so mingled well.

However, finally, we became a really nice group like each other, having fun a lot.

I can not explain how good it was apart from my expectation.

Today ( In Korea it was already yesterday, though), is the 1st Anniversary of our very first official meeting.

I hope everybody is doing so well wherever they are now, and to see each other very soon in the future.

I love you all <3

Erasmus, Worms 09/10

and Tab + People

Wi-fi World

31.08.10 08.44am

I am in the train (KTX) heading to Seoul for the class.

Since my new house in Seoul is availabe from next Monday, this week, I have to commute from Daejeon to Seoul everyday.

As usual I could not get the cheaper train (I admit I am lazy), I had to take the express one with 2 times more expensive fare.

Still about 13 Euros for 50 mins Daejeon to Seoul 151km.

FYI, http://maps.google.com/maps?q=daejeon%20to%20seoul&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&hl=de&tab=wl

It is so great that now it is available to use wi-fi in ktx for free.

South korea is one of the country for strong IT. (at least we say so)

but it was not common that people can use wi-fi everywhere for free.

well, normally people have to buy a wi-fi ticket or something like that, but if they're a member of a certain website, it is totally free!

Yes, in 8 minutes I arrive at Seoul station!

and today I have first 2 classes of this semester!!!!!!!

New Semester begins

After Long break including the Erasmus (a.k.a. exchange students) life, which was my holiday year, it is time to go back to uni again.

I am one of the people who stay at univ.-level quite long.

Normally it is 4-year-course (8 semesters), but now I am starting my 9th semester.

What have I done then?

To be honest, although it is my 9th semester, I am in university for 5 years and half - let's say 6 years.

2005 : 1st year

2006 : 2nd year

2007 : break for working

2008 : 3rd year

2009-1 : break for working 2

2009-2 ~ 2010-1: Erasmus in Germany

and NOW back to the school.

I was not a great student, but I did not waste my time during my school years.

Honestly I did not study hard, but I learned a lot in many different ways apart from my own study. I should have focused on my own study, however, since I found my self as 'not-able-to-be-a-psychologist', I looked for some different experiences that I could learn something I liked.

I also did work.

I was a good employee. I did my best, and everyone recognised me.

I worked a lot, but I enjoyed.

I did a lot of things.

Now, it is my last year, and I have to work on my grade.

It might be late, but I have to try.

I spend almost 3 year doing things I like.

I have to do something I don't like but I have to do for at least 1 year.

I am not sure that I can do it or not.

well,

We will see,

it begins tomorrow.

It is just 1 year.

I maybe can do it.

What I missed about my town

After happy-long 1 year in Germany, I finally came back to my town.

Daejeon, South Korea

I actually did not want to come back that much like the others, who had kept saying they had wanted to come back home so bad.

Of course, I am happy to see my family and friends again.

and something else, I missed things..

The building next to mine..

Not likely my home in Worms, my mom's house is a 15-story-flat.

and all the buildings are so close to each other.

That is very annoying because people actually can see what the others are doing very easily at balcony.

I do not want to know what they are doing, but I like seeing all the houses turning off the light at night in a random order.

Then

at one point, all the houses are so quiet and dark. totally black out.

we see nothing

when I stay all night,

in the morning, also I can see the people starting the day which is interesting

I just saw all the houses flowing into the darkness and silence

but now I see all the houses awakening

IT's nothing maybe, but I like it

Facebook Friends Analyser?

A few months ago, I found an application on facebook that analyse people's friends with only a few clicks.

It showed me

1. How many male/female friends I have
2. which country I have the most friends from
3. percentage of single/not-single
4. the longest/shortest name
5. the most name my friends have
and so on..
but did not show details.

I wanted to do again, but I couldn't do it with some unknown reasons.

So, I decided to do it myself as I finished my exams so that have plenty of time.
I started on 3 days ago, and finally today, 10. July, I finished it.
Well, to satisfy my goal, I still have to do some more things, but as a first task, it is good enough.

My purpose of doing this was
1. to find out from which country I know people
2. How many I know people from each country
3. Where they are right now
4. How I met them / How I could get to know them

Methods
I did it in a super simple way.
(some people will think maybe I am too stupid to do this, or I could do something more productive rather than spending my time on my laptop for a few days)

I simply copied all the friends list from facebook to Microsoft Excel 2007.
I deleted some unimportant information such as pages, network links which followed them, and removed the whole links.

So I could get only names of people I have on facebook.
I looked through the whole lists to test myself whether I could fill the gaps without checking their profiles.
At first, I couldn't manage well to be honest. - Because the first name was too hard to reconise, so I had to check!
However, soon I could do it. 70% of people I did it on my own.
So started filling in with where they are from, where they are right now, How I knew them.

# Details
Name _ Nationality _ Current Place _ Home Country _ How I know
1. Current Place and Home Country is divided in to Country and its category
(1) Category : Asia, Africa, Europa, Eurasia, America, Latin America and Oceania
2. How I know: Common thing, Detail 1 and 2, and the place(country) I met them.

Basic information
I have 632 friends on facebook totally; 334 are female and 298 are male.

Q. Who are they? (Credibility 50%)
I can not say it is absolutely correct.
To make it trustworthy, I had to make sure what 'Nationality' means in this process.

(1) the Passport nationality?
(2) what they think about their nationality?
(3) the home country they have lived more than their half of life?
(4) the place that they were born?

I did not have enough time to research it, and I was too lazy to do it, so I just wrote as their homecity(place) that they put on the facebook, or what they said to me before, and so on.

A. Result:
totally 56 nationalities.

Germany is the most, and the least is..'are' some other countries.
Result is as below:

Q. Where are their home countries?

It can be as same as their nationalities, but just in case, I had to do it again with this question.

It is because of the cases such as

born in a country, but moved to another/got nationality or citizenship or whatever in another countries.

A. Results.

and 58 Countries


How can it be increased 56 countries to 58?
Well, I have to admit that there was a mistake, and I am, at the moment too lazy to edit it.
1 more venezuela, and 1 less in Spain.
and 1 more mistake/difference is going to be found sooner or later. :)

So, you can see most of them have the same figure from Nationality question.
But there are small differences in South Korea, Brazil, USA and so on.
This is because, of the case that I mentioned.
Differences are more or less because of some Korean people/family who immigrated/emigrated.

the next following question will be then, how many moved, and from where to where.


Q. Where are they actually right now?

As I am also not in S. Korea doing enjoying my last month as an exchange student in Germany, some of them, or most of them are also in another country doing their own work.

So I decided to figure out 'right now, where are the people?'

A. Results.

Since this is my first time to do this work, I could not manage comparing the data from their home country, so that figure out from which country to which country that they moved.

This time, all the data is just simple and focusing on 'right now'.

Current Location;

totally 52 countries


If you roughly compare with this result to previous one, you can find that there are more people in Germany, South Korea, France, Austria, Switzerland.

Also currently there are less people in some countries such as China, Japan, USA, Colombia, Brazil, Greece, Denmark and Ukraine.

Also, as I said above, the number of countries is also reduced from 56 to 52.

Q. How did I get to know them?

Are they all my school friends? - yes or no.

Are they all my old friends? - yes or no.

from the class? on the street? train? plane? hostel? club? birthday party? FROM WHERE?

So, I recalled all my memory and figure out how could I know them.

A. From Every where, actually.

It is actually the most important part for me that facebook application never showed.

As I looked through all the lists, there were a lot channel that I got to know them through.

This time, I listed them based on the place that I met and then simple categories such as school, work or parties.

There were 5 countries that I met almost all the people (610)

and 22 of the people haven't met me yet in anywhere.

Results (*least to most):

1. Ireland - 3

Last year, I was travelling Dublin, Ireland with one of my friends from Exchange Students Programme for 4(or 5)days. We stayed in a hostel near four courts.

3 of people I have on facebook were from the same hostel.

1 Brazilian (studying in Paris) , 1 American and 1 South Korean (both were studying in London).

2. France - 6

6 of people I know were from Paris on New Year.

At the end of year 2009, I went to Paris for a week to visit my friends that I know from Seoul. (They are French though.) We had a great private New Year Party, and 5 of them were friends, and 1 was cousin of my friend.

They are all French.

3. Austria - 16

Halloween 2009. I visited my Mexican friend, I knew her from summer in 2008 and she was exchange student in Wiener Neustadt, in Austria. There, I could get to know her friends, who were also exchange students there.

15 were friends of her, and 1 was a brother of one of them.

They were from USA, Canada, Ireland, Finland, Slovenia, Mexico, Spain, Korea and....... :)

4. Germany - 279

Because I met so many people in Germany I divided into 3 groups. - Osnabrueck, Worms and Other places

A. Osnabrueck. 57

Last summer, I did my Summer German course in Osnabrueck which is in north part of Germany for 1 months.

- 47 people who actually participated the German course with me

- 7 the tutors during the course

- 2 from the FH that I could know through one of the tutor

- 1 a friend of a participants of German course. she came to Osnabrueck from Berlin for a visit.

B. Worms 213

During 1 year in Worms as an exchange student, I got to know more or less 213 people

a. From the FH Worms 187

Related to the FH Programme

- Erasmus (Exchange students) 46

- Regular Students (actually studying/graduated/praktikum etc.) 139

- Teacher/Staff 2

b. Worms 26

Not only the people who are actually living in Worms. This means that we met in Worms so that it includes the visitors as well.

- Visitors for Friends (mostly Exchange students) 14: Most of them were from Spain (10), 2 from Grecce, 1 from Bulgaria and 1 from the other city in Germany.

- I've got to know through the others (Mostly Wormser): 10

- Etc. 2 : 1 was visiting FH on the day that the FH introduces the programme to the Gymmnasium students. The other one is from the Tab (like always)

* Even among the people that I've met from the FH, some of them were from the classes, through other friends. Also there were a lot of people that I just met in Tab, which is Students' club in the FH. =)

c. Other places 9

- 4 in Mannheim: Mannheim Stadtfest, Himbeerparty and Latinparty

- 1 in Bensheim when we went for the wine hiking

- 1 in Heidelberg for the castle-firework fest.

- 1 in Koeln, a girlfriend of a friend.

- 1in Munich, and a friend of one of Erasmus

- 1in Frankfurt, the funniest story, I'm sure only some of you can remember him when we went to cocoon for the first time. Our best friend from Frankfurt ;)

5. South Korea 306

Of course the MOST. but it's more simple than analysing German part. but also 3 parts: School, Work and Etc.

A. School 286

a. Primary school(Elementary School) 2

b. High School 6

- All of them are Koreans

c. University 278

- Regular Students 9: 1 South Africa, 2 India and I think rest of them were Koreans

- Students volunteering club activity: 9 all Koreans

- Exchange students from abroad 38: 2008-02(fall) 5 / 2009-01(spring) 33

: In spring, it was easy for me to get to know the exchange students because I was working for the international office in my University at that time.

- International Summer Semester 222: My school launched this programme in 2008 and I participated 2 times in 2008 and 2009. 88 of the people were from 2008 and 134 are from the last year, 2009.

B. Workplace 11

a. British Council, Korea 9 : from 2007 spring until 2008 autumn, I worked there. 8 of them are British/Irish who were/are teachers there for English courses and 1 is Korean who worked with me.

b. International Office, SKKU 2: my colleagues. 1 is from Czech Republic and the other is Korean. Both of them don't work there any more.

C. Other places 9

a. 1 is my German teacher in Korea.

b. people that I got to know through other friends 6: 2 Germans, 1 Korean-American, 1 Hong-kong-y, 1 French and 1 Dutch.

c. 1 friend of mine that I knew her from when I was 14 or 15, but we don't remember how we got to know.

d. **** My cousin who is in the states. 1

6. Haven't met me yet. 22

Some people using facebook to make new friends everywhere. I rather use it to contact existing friends.

So 22 people that I haven't met face to face, is unexpected for me. I thought it's quite a lot.

Not all of them were just added randomly.

There are some people that I actually going to meet very soon.

Some of them are just from the School.: The last months when I was working at the International Office, I could contact some students who were coming to my school, so because of that we added each other.

A. Going to meet soon 3: in Spain 1, in Korea 2

B. Exchange students at my University while I was/am in Germany for my exchange programme. 9

C. I have no idea 10

- including random adds (1 or 2)

- sister/friends of friends but not sure when we are going to actually meet in person. rest of them.

- through other website 1

# Pros and Cons about this Process

I took almost 3 days to finish this task. I do not call it as too simple or stupid task, because I did it for my own curiosity. I could have spent my time with other stuffs. tanning under the sun, watching good films, reading book or some more beer with friends. However it did not mean that I didn't do all those things because of this.

Of course I hung out with friends, watched film and so on. I just used my night time (almost after 1 am) to do this.

What I learned from this task is, "knowing people". When I could answer all the questions without any help but on my own, I was so proud of me. It did not matter that whey also knew me well or not, It is for 'me' knowing the people around me.

Some of them, I can call them as friends, some are just people I know and some of them are just 'I don't care'. But, even though I am not a closest person to them, it is not that bad just to know who they are, don't you think so?

It also made me think that it would be better that I could take care of them more carefully as long as I know them. You never know how you will meet them again in the future.... well.. :)

This time I simply calculated the figures.

Next time, I would like to research more about the facts such as the questions that I made above

: from where to where most people moved / why? / what are they doing there? or about photos something like this. :)

more likely a real psychologic questions.

Oh, the bad points of this process is...

My neck and shoulder really hurt!!!!!!!

What do you think about this?

Some weeks ago, I read 1 stupid (totally subjective view) posting from an online community.
some parts I understood, but generally I disagreed with the contents.

It was about certain types of girls that guys should avoid written by a Korean guy.


1. 어머님과 사이가 나쁜 여자
Who has a bad relationship with her mother
-> 정말 중요합니다. 엄마와 사이 나쁜 여자치고 성격 유들유들한 여자 못봤습니다. 뭔가 항상 악에 바쳐있어요. 미움도 강하고 가슴속에 한이 있는 듯해서 짜증이나 히스테리 받아주기가 어렵습니다.
This is very important. I’ve never seen any girl who has a good personality but has bad relationship with her mother. Always kind of got upset. This kind of girls are always hatred and something bad in their minds so really hard to deal with them when they’re annoyed.


2.'나 재밌게 해줘' 하는 여자
Who keeps saying ‘entertain me’
-> 무책임한 여자 부류들 중에 하나죠. 소개팅 혹은 데이트를 할 때 그 자리의 책임을 남자에게 모두 떠넘기려는 부류들입니다. 남자가 자신을 즐겁게 하지 않으면 쓸모 없다 라고 생각하는 부류들 입니다. 같이 만났는데 같이 대화도하고 교감해야지 남자가 무슨 광대입니까? 이런 여자들은 80%이상이 이기적이며 된장녀 기질이 농후합니다.
Unreponsibility. Whenever they have a chance to know new guys they hand on responsibility of the chance to men. They think if men cannot entertain girls, they are useless. When women and men meet, they have to communicate each other. Men are not clowns. 80% of this kind of women are usually selfish and likely to be posh.


3. 죽어도 지갑 안여는 여자
Who never open their wallet
-> 소개팅 후에 2달이 지나도록 지갑에 손도 안대는 여자 만나봤던 기억이 있는데요 정말 짜증나더라구요 하루는 맘먹고 돈없다고 빈 지갑 가지고 나갔더니 그렇게 준비성도 없이 자기 만나러 나왔냐는 이야기를 하더군요 ㅎㅎ. 뼛속까지 얻어먹는 근성으로 가득한 부류들입니다.
I’ve met one who never opened her wallet for more than 2 months after we’d met. Really annoying. One day I went out with empty wallet and told her I didn’t have any money. She told me back that I was very unprepared. They’re eager to make you spend more.

4. 싸울때 전화 확 끊는 여자
Hang up the phone suddenly when you argue.
-> 골치 아픕니다. 애초에 대화의 가능성 조차 열어두지 않는 여자이므로 상황은 점점 악화되기만 할 뿐 개선의 여지가 보이지 않는 암담한 연애를 하게 됩니다.
Pain in the ass. They never give any chance to make a conversation, so situation is becoming worse. You’ll have a relationship which you cannot see any improvement.


5. 남자와 친구가 될 수 있다고 믿는 여자
Who believes that men and women can be friends.
-> 열에 아홉 엄청 피곤한 스타일입니다. 주변에 일단 남자를 잔뜩 만들어 놓고 상대방을 속 태우게 하는 스타일인데요 남자가 맞대응 할 수 있을 정도의 어장이 있지 않다면 절대로 피해야 할 스타일 입니다. 예쁘고 현명한 진짜 고수 여자들은 어장 함부러 만들고 다니지 않습니다.
90% very tiring. Normally they make a lot of male friends and make the other very nervous. Unless men has same kind of fish net to compare, avoid them. Real pretty and wise women never make their fishnet easily.

6. 변덕스러운 여자
Moody ones.
-> 사귀면 정말 피곤합니다. 이런 경우 본인의 감정을 타인의 감정보다 훨씬 중요시 여기는 기질이 있습니다. 아무리 자신이 잘못했다고 해도 자신의 기분이 나쁘면 그냥 화내고 그냥 지릅니다. 이성적 사고가 결여되어 있습니다. 이런 부류와 사귀게 되면 온몸의 기가 다 여자에게 빨려들어가는 경험을 하실 겁니다. 그리고 여자 달래는게 상사 X핥는거 보다 더 기분 나쁠수도 있다는 것을 깨달을 수 있습니다
You’ll have a tiring relationship with these types. They think their own feeling is more important than the other’s. Although men apologise properly, if they still feel bad, they just shout and still be upset. They are lack of reasonable thinking. You’ll feel you’re energy is sucked up when you meet them. Making them happy can be much harder than licking your boss’s dick.


남자가 추구하는 이상형이 예쁘고 현명하고 지조있는 여성임을 감안할 때 앞선 부류의 여자들은 절대로 피해야할 스타일이라고 하겠습니다.
Regarding to the desirable types of women are pretty, wise and sincere(?), these types above are the most people that you have to avoid.

So what do you think?

I asked some friends of mine, who are Koreans.
well, they all said this was stupid.
(well, mainly I asked them about number 5 that I really don't agree)
Of course not every men think like this, but we cannot ignore that actually this is also not a minor opinion.

Why cannot men and women be friend, when they have boy/girlfriend?
Why do they think all the friends who are opposite sex with their boy/girlfriends are just fish in the fishnet not friends?

I will update about this later.

But,
What do you think about it?

International Day 05 Mai.

"Ich komme aus Sued Korea."

on 05.05 which is children's day in Korea, we had International Day in Worms, Germany.
I did not expect I was doing this, but somehow I participated with another Korean boy from my Uni here.

We couldn't prepare a lot of things like other countries. e.g. Spain, Bulgaria or Turkey.
Just some snacks, drink (alcohol / non-alcohol) and that was all.
Main thing was making name card for people in Korean, and also traditional costume (not for trial though).

I was in pink Hanbok, and the boy was in the uniform of Tae-kwon-do.

I was a little worried of our part, because we didn't have so much to show, but actually everything went well.

The name card and some drinks and ricecake was a hit (I suppose).

The others were also dancing their traditional/typical dance.

It was so much fun to see how different we are, but at the same time how same we are (wanting alcoholic drinks and also fun and curious about other cultures.)

Weinwandernung am 01 Mai.

We danced in to May, and there's another tradition in Germany which is 'Wine Hiking'.
I really did doubt that how many people would really come to this event.
It was even raining.

only our group, we were almost 30 people.
"Aren't we crazy or what?"

From Worms to Bensheim, it took around 30-40 minutes (I suppose)by bus.
; btw, For Linda and me, it was first time taking a bus in Worms!

singing, drinkin in the bus... It seemed like we rent a bus for our own trip!

There was no exception in Bensheim about the bad weather.

1 decided to go back to Worms, but other 29 people, we kept going.
to the wine hill.

with wine, sangria, beer, it was amazing.
mid of the hill, there was a place that band playing music, place to eat and drink and toilet :P
We were partying there hard again, so couldn't finish the whole wine hill hiking.
It was really good though.

Thanks god, weather became really good sun, warm no more rain.
was a perfect day on the hill.

FH Ball - Tanz in den Mai

01 May. May Day
In Germany, they say "Tanz in den Mai" meaning 'Dance into May'.

This semester's FH Ball was on 30 April, so we celebrated Mayday dancing in the FH.
It was great as last semester.

Funny things, of course, also happened like always.
Here are some pictures of our 2nd and the last FH Ball, in Worms.


- Pre Drinks 1


- Pre Drink 2


- TANZ IN DEN MAI!


- YEAH!!

Because we were all enjoying too much, there were not many photos from that night.
shame...

Update!

Life is full of surprise either good or bad.
It never goes to the way I would like to go.

A random facebook status says that
"Past is experience, Present is experiment and Future is expectation.
Use your experience in your experiments to achieve your expectations."

It is so true.

""I am so okay.""
Nothing changes me, I am still who I am.

I smoke.
whatever you think, yes now I do.

Perfect Make-ups

Do you have any perfect cosmetics for you?
I mean "Is there really something that stays really long and perfect?".
For me, "not really"

Because I am afraid to start study at the moment, but not really having something to do, I am going to review some my make-ups so far.

*Totally for girls! or maybe some boys?

glimpsing my make-ups box! :P

1. Face

# Giorgio Armani - Fluid master primer ★★☆☆☆
# Banila co. - Make-Up primer (don't remember the name) ★★★☆☆
: Maybe because 'Banila co.'s primer was my very first primer, so I felt it was better than G.A. It was also MUCH cheaper :D

# Giorgio Armani - Light master Make-up primer ★★★☆☆
: It is okay.

# Skinfood - Lemon make-up Base (Is it Konglish? I don't know .. Anyway,) ★★★★☆
# Beauty credit - Foundation ★★★★☆
: Maybe it's too Korean? but when I used these, I did not use foundation. :P both of them were really cheap and great.

# Giorgio Armani - Luminous Silk Foundation ★★★★☆
# Banila co. - foundation ★★★★☆
# Faceshop - foundation ★☆☆☆☆
# Clinique - foundation ★★★☆☆
: Banilla co. is the still best regarding of price - cheap and great, and I used the same product more than 2 times! Giorgio Armani's is also really great and I am still using it. Faceshop was SHIT, and Clinique was okay - it was my very first foundation from my cousin.

# Faceshop - compact make-up ★☆☆☆☆
# Shiseido - finish powder ★★★☆☆
# Lancome - powder ★★☆☆☆
# Chanel - Poudre Universelle Compacte ★★★☆☆
# Manhattan - Soft compact powder (9. Teint Chocolate)★★★★☆
# Astor - Anti Shine. Mattitude powder ★★★☆☆
: Faceshop? Forget about it!! Shiseido was just okay - at that time, I did not use it that much. lancome was it was just okay, but too bright/white for me. chanel, I am still using it, is also just alright a little better than lancome. Manhattan I bought it last month, and it was the best compact powder I've ever used so far. Astor is just also very good, but Manhattan is still better.

2. eye liner

(1) pencil type eye liner
# Misha(black) ★☆☆☆☆
# banila co.(pearl black) ★★★☆☆
# Giorgio Armani (purple and green)★★★☆☆
# MAC (khaki)★★★★☆
# Laneige (black)★★★☆☆
# Bourjois (green) ★★☆☆☆
# Etude House (greay and brown)★★★★☆
# Manhattan (dark blue) ★★★☆☆
# Rimmel (brown) ★★★★★ : actually it is an eyebrow pencil
: Misha? dirt cheap and shit. banila co. was okay, I bought the same product also more than 2 times I think. Giorgio Armani is good. I bought purple twice, and have green, but I don't like green that much. MAC was one of the best so far. I think I bought 3 times. it was just almost perfect. Laneige, I use it for smokey eyes, it is okay - my friend recommended it for not being panda eye, but.........
Bourjois... I bought it several years ago, and still have it. pearl green - I don't like it that much. Etude house is great, it was also almost perfect really.
: Because of my ASIAN EYES, everything made me panda eyes at last. Now I have special things to prevent though :P

(2) gel type eye liner
# banila co. (dark blue and purple) ★★★★☆
: What can I say? almost 99% perfect! my mum took dark blue(navy) from me because it was really good!

(3) liquid type eye liner
# Shiseido ★★★☆☆
# MAC (black) ★★★★☆
# Giorgio Armani (greay) ★★★★☆
# Laneige ★★★★★
: I love all kind of liquid type. They are so good, no panda eyes, easy to do. but not for smokey eyes :)

3. mascara
# Faceshop (black) ★☆☆☆☆ : SHIT
# Lancome
- Hypnose (black) ★★☆☆☆ : PANDA
- Hypnose Onyx (brown & greish black) ★★★★★ : very good colour, long & volume
- Virtuose (black) ★★★☆☆ : good volume but PANDA
- Virtuose Black Carat (brown & royal gold - top coat) ★★★☆☆ : good for party
- Oscillation
black ★★★☆☆ : a little panda
grey ★★★★☆ : volume is not strong
# Giorgio Armani
- Maestro (black) ★★★★★ : PERFECT
- Grey sparkling top coat ★★★☆☆ : good for party also
# Bourjois - Yes to Volume, No to Clumps (purple) ★★★★★ : Perfect mascara as well
# Bodyshop - volume mascara (brown) ★★★★☆ : a tiny little clumps but fine
# Shu Uemura (green) ★★★★☆ : except colour, mascara it self is really okay
# Laura Mercier (blue) ★★★★☆ : very nice, but too dry. not heavy and good
# Maybelline
- Unstoppable (black) ★★★☆☆ : long lash, maybe? volum? FORGET!
- Volum Express (brown) ★★★★☆ : not bad, fine
# L'oreal - Double Extension (black) ★★★★☆ : a little heavy but perfect long&volume
# Givenchy
- phenomen' eyes (black) ★★★☆☆ : perfect volume! one of the best volum but Panda
- Lash Pearls ★★★★☆ : so adorable
# Etude House - Waterproof mascara (black) ★★★☆☆ : not bad, just fine.

: Bodyshop and Bourjois - used (I think 2 times) it's good. Bourjois and Armani are my best mascara ever! lancome is.. not really, but hypnose onyx, I love it. I don't think I can find them anymore, but if I can, then I'd definitely buy them again.
Givenchy was amazing for volume, but soon found some black powdered things under my eyes. L'oreal was pretty much - almost perfect, but it was so heavy and strong, so that my lashes looked like a little bit spider's legs.

*Etude House's Masccara fixer (base/top coat) is the BEST

4. Cheek
# Benefit
- Dandelion ★★★★☆
- Georgia ★★☆☆☆ - colour is not for me
# Etude House - dual ★★★☆☆ - don't like creamy type
# Giorgio Armani - Sienna Minerals Palette (can I put it here?) ★★★★☆

5. Highlighter
# Banila co. ★★★☆☆
# Microfil loose powder (pink light powder) ★★★★☆

6. Concealer
# Shiseido (liquid)★☆☆☆☆
# Bodyshop (stick) ★★★☆☆
# Giorgio Armani (liquid) ★★★★☆

7. Lips
# banila co. - kiss me not (orangish) ★★★☆☆
# Estee Lauder - Pure Color : Mandarin Pop ★★★☆☆ / Crystal Coral ★★★☆☆
# Giorgio Armani
- Armani Silk : No.14 ★★★★☆ / No.85 ★★☆☆☆
- Shine Lipstick : No.45 ★★★★★
- Lip Wax : No.4 (not sure!!!) ★★★★☆
- Lip Shimmer : No.56 ★★★★☆
# Victoria's Secret - Lip Gloss (blue/mint) ★★★☆☆
# Yve Saint Laurent - Lip Twins No.9 ★★★☆☆
# Lancome
- Juicy Tube Peach ★★★★☆
- Lip Gloss 338 ★★★★★
# Manhattan
- X-treme last & shine : No.95N ★★☆☆☆ / No.33N ★★★★☆
- Perfect creamy & care No.57D ★★★☆☆
# Rival de Loop No.50 (pink) ★☆☆☆☆
# Calvin Klein
- Creme lipstick No.125 delightful ★★★★☆
- Sheer lipstick No.208 illusion delicious truth ★★★☆☆
# p2 - absolute color lipstick No.092 hot campari ★★★★☆
# Clinique - colour surge butter shine lipstick No.411 Rosalita ★★★☆☆

8. Shadow and Eyebrow
: I hardly do eyeshadow, so no mark, just list of it.
Eyebrow is, so far everything was perfect, so also just list.

*Shadow
# Giorgio Armani - Maestro No.8(pink),12(purple) and 14(green)
# MAC - Eye shadow Suite - Sweet Liason (Ivory and dark brown)
# Bodyshop - Shimmer cubes Palette 07 (ruby, dusted silver, argyle pink and rich bronze)
# Etude House - Orgol Light Eyes No.02 golden yellow (gold, white and pink)

*Eyebrow
# MAC - coquette satin (was using brown shadow as eyebrow)
# VOV - brown and khaki (pencil)
# Rimmel - professional eyebrow pencil (brown) : also using as eyeliner pencil

*Eye base
# MAC - Cream colour base (Luna _ Frost)

FYI,
Most of them I bought in Korea before coming to Germany, of course.
e.g. Laneige, skinfood, faceshop, misha, Etude House, Beauty credit or banila co. - only in Korea or some Asian countries.

In general, banila co. and Giorgio Armani are the best cosmetic brands for me.

Also, good thing about living in Germany is .. (regarding make-ups)
1. not really stressed to do make-ups
2. cheap products are also in very good quality

So,
I miss some cheap Korean cosmetic brands now (like skinfood, banila co. or Etude house), but I will miss these european drugstore make-ups when I go back :)

Do you love ART?

I love to go to gallery or museum a lot.
If there's ART, no matter what I try really hard to go.

I used to go to museum a lot more than gallery(this including art museum) when I was little. However, somehow I became a really art-interested person more than history and museum things.
- I think probably affected by my mum.

Anyway, when I went to Speyer with friends, I saw an interesting poster about an exhibition in Karlsruhe.
100 Jahre Malerei; von Picasso bis Warhol - "Just What is it..."

Modern art/Pop art is not my cup of tee, but I was so thirsty for exhibition, so I easily decided to go.



Before writing a short(?) review of some arts, I am going to briefly tell you what I love about galleries.
To be honest, I only slightly know about art. I've read several books about art and art history like that, but my "good working memory" can not remember everything.

So, then 'why do I like it although I barely get what artists really want to say through their works?'

What I do when I appreciate arts is,
I make up my own story based on my own impression/feeling from them.
especially with modern arts,
once I tried to understand the artist, so I was thinking thinking and thinking.
But I did not get anything at all.
When I just tried understanding what I felt, it was much easier and more interesting.

It is not about 'think' or 'know', it is all about what I "FEEL".
Then I can train my self what/how I feel.
It is about INSTINCT.

Also, I like the smell of Gallery. I like the smell of paintings.
It reminds me of an art studio that I had gone to learn 'painting' when I was young.
I was not talented, but I enjoyed it!
I still have my work = sketchbook at home in Korea!
Maybe When I'm back at home, I'll try uploading some of them.

Again, back to the main topic.
Here are some short brief note that I wrote in the gallery.
(BTW,it was ZKM in Karlsruhe)


Sol Lewitt : Cubes with hidden cubes
* this type of work, I have no idea. There is no way to make up a story as well. But what I like about this is, I like the shadow of cubes. It is different from what I did. I mean, I of course know depending on the light (where it is from) the shape/way of shadow will be different, but ... I don't know how to explain, but I felt interesting.



Roy Lichitenstein : Perfect Painting
* For him, maybe it was perfect, but me. When I looked at this, I was trying to find a perfect angle from all the lines crossed. I couldn't.
For me, the perfect angle is 90 degree. There's no 90 in this painting, so it was not perfect for me, but I liked it.



Richard Serra : Black Widow (for Nancy Holt)
* It reminded me of one Japanese commercial about Children's Foundation.
It was about a school kid's painting in class. Teacher asked the whole class to draw something/anything they come up with. A kid started to fill the paper all black and another paper, and another and another. Teachers, parents and doctors really worried about him, and he even got in the hospital. at some point, a nurse found something from his black papers, and also teacher found a puzzle from his desk in the class room, and they came up with something. They puzzled his papers, and found that he was not just filling the papers black, but he was painting a huge black whale.

This work was not like that, but the whole canvas filled with black.. I just remembered that cm.
Here it is,




Hans Arp : Chapeau-Nombril
*Sorry for the artist, but I didn't hesitate to think about "ㅎㅎㅎ"
ㅎㅎㅎ: 'ㅎ'is one of Korean alphabet. 'ㅎㅎㅎ' is embodied the sound of laughing like hahaha


*do not remember the artist and the name of this work.
I did not like it, and also didn't unerstand, AND didn't make any story.
for me it was like
sausage, cheese adn egg.

Well, yeah
I loved this exhibition unexpectedly a lot.
Also, I found that they have some exhibition which is still going-on (I think they have a certain place only for that, like normal exhibition which is not a temporal special one) about media art by one of the most famous Korean media artist Nam-Jun Paik. So, I will (for sure) go there again!!!

LOVE ZKM!